Periodically, I take stock.
When I found myself at my latest career crossroads, I decided to be more intentional about my next move than I had been in the past.
I’ve always believed in going toward my next move rather than away from where I was. Often a new opportunity was right in front of me that satisfied my career aspirations, and I moved.
This time was different.
Thanks to some wise guidance from my coach, Sadie Wackett, I spent time thinking about my non-negotiables as I formulated my plan.
It was a surprisingly powerful exercise.
Not because I suddenly had all the answers. Quite the opposite. It helped me get clearer about the questions I needed to ask.
What really matters to you? We often evaluate opportunities by asking:
What does it pay? What is the title? Is it interesting? Will I be successful? What does it look like on my resume?
Those are reasonable questions. But what about:
What do I need this next chapter to give me? What am I no longer willing to compromise? What kind of people do I want around me? How do I want to spend my time? What do I want more of and less of?
Those questions get closer to the heart of a decision.
For me, identifying my non-negotiables created a filter.
It helped me distinguish between something that was simply a good opportunity and something that was the right opportunity for me.
And there’s an important distinction.
A non-negotiable isn’t necessarily something you demand from everyone else. It is a commitment you make to yourself about what you need to do your best work and live the life you want.
Sometimes, our non-negotiables are about circumstances.
Sometimes they’re about relationships.
Sometimes they’re about how we want to feel at the end of a workday.
And sometimes they reveal something we’ve known for a long time but haven’t been willing to acknowledge.
Try this exercise, the next time you’re at a crossroads, career or otherwise, make three lists and then sit with them, think about what’s next:
- What matters? What do I want more of in my life or work?
- What am I willing to give up? What am I ready to stop tolerating or spending my energy on?
- What am I unwilling to compromise? What must be true for my next chapter to be right for me?
From these lists, you now create your list of non-negotiables.
Then ask yourself one more question:
What am I willing to give up to honor these non-negotiables?
Because that’s where it gets real.
Every choice has a trade-off. Knowing what matters isn’t enough. We also must be willing to make choices that protect what matters.
Looking back, I realize that many of my career decisions were good decisions. But I wonder how different some of them might have been if I’d spent more time defining my non-negotiables before the opportunity arrived.
That’s one of the things I love about coaching.
Sometimes we don’t need someone to tell us what to do.
We need someone to help us slow down long enough to discover what we already know.
My non-negotiables: As I reviewed mine, I realized they reflect my life today. The non-negotiables I choose today are not the same as I may have chosen years ago. This exercise highlighted for me the importance of examining our non-negotiables periodically as our priorities and thinking shift.
- Remaining present and invested in my family relationships
- Continuing the deeper connection I rebuilt with my children and grandchildren
- Protecting time for friendships and relationships I refreshed over the past several months
- Prioritizing my health, fitness, and wellbeing
- Maintaining the activities that ground and energize me, including reading and gardening
So, what are your non-negotiables?
Are your choices reflecting them?